a letter to mummy

Hi mummy,
Today is the day you find out about me.
You are excited already, I can tell.
They have not even told you yet that I am here.
Oh, mummy, you have a smile across your face right now,
The most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen.
The first smile I will ever see when I am ready to come out.
Mummy, the doctor just told you I’m in here. He just told you to wait for me.

Mummy! Wait!
It won’t take long. I promise…
I see you’ve told Daddy about me.
I don’t think he’s happy. He looks shocked. I don’t like the way he’s staring at you.
He keeps giving you side glances.
He hasn’t said anything yet. Five minutes have gone past.
I keep hearing you tell him to say something but he’s frozen.
I want him to be just as happy as you are.

Mummy why is Daddy saying he’s not my father? He is! I’m proof.
Awwww! Why are you crying? I don’t understand. Why is Daddy not happy?
I remember when you told grandma and grandpa about me.
Grandpa hit you! I was angry! Why would he do such a thing?!
Grandma was pretty angry too! I guess they don’t want visitors.
Grandpa said something about “marriage”. What is that?
Oh my! have I grown.
I have no mirror to look at but my head is a little bigger in proportion to my body.

Hahaha mummy! I look funny don’t I?
I love the way you hold me, and sing to me.Your voice is beautiful.You sound like the heavens.
You keep telling me that the world is a cruel place to be but you invited me here.
How could a place so beautiful be so cruel? I trust you would take care of me mummy.
The doctor visited me today, he told you I’m a girl.
Now I know what the doctor doesn’t! I know what I will look like.
I will have brown eyes, smooth skin, lips as lovely as yours.
I know you will love it!

Mummy, I promise we would be best friends when I come out.
You have no idea what plans I have for you.
I love how you’re holding me, please keep holding me like that.

Grandma entered your room tonight.
She said grandpa doesn’t want to have anything to do with you.
He said you should take your things and move out.
Oh, wow!
That is not nice.
Mummy, you’ve been crying and begging him, he’s not listening 
Is that how Daddy doesn’t want anything to do with me?
Should I cry too?

I just kicked to let you know I’m in here.
With every kick, I’m using the whole of my strength,
So it takes time to regain my energy for another kick.
Your best friends just said they can’t accommodate a pregnant woman,
That they didn’t encourage your having me from the very beginning.
Oh, mummy! Did I come at the wrong time?
You keep crying, I’ve not eaten.
Mummy, I’m hungry.

Mummy!!
Why have you suddenly become so cold?
Why are you no longer talking to me?!
Sing to me mummy I want to hear your voice!
Please, don’t leave me here.
Please mummy!
I will come out in a few days mummy,
Please talk to me..

Mummy its only two days left.
You have not fed me since and you have not spoken to me.
I feel cold
I feel hungry
I don’t feel safe.
Mummy please,
If not for me,
eat something for you.

Mummy I’m coming out tomorrow.
I am kicking to let you know.
Mummy is my name “bastard”?
You just said “stop kicking, bastard!”
It doesn’t sound like a nice name for me,
I don’t like the name but I’ll settle for it.
Mummy you’ve changed, you are cold towards me.
This wasn’t our agreement.

I am writing a letter mummy.
Thank God you have eaten today.
I haven’t taken out of your food.
I don’t feel hungry anymore because I’m annoyed with you.
Mummy I just broke your water, and you are screaming.
I am still annoyed with you.
It looks like you don’t want to see me
The little you… so I will stay here for a while.

You are screaming… Does it hurt?
Good.
It better!
You don’t like me as much as you used to. You keep blaming me for it.
Six hours have passed and I’m not coming out yet,
so don’t bother pushing.
I’m feeling sorry for you now, Its been nine hours and you’re still screaming.
I will come out now.

Hi mummy!
I am “bastard!”
I just came out crying because I need you to know I’m here.
..but I’m going to keep quiet now,
In your arms,
I will stop breathing because I wrote a letter to my creator
That I’m going back to him
Since you don’t want me here.

See you soon.

Bastard.

The Last Straw

“Happily ever after” doesn’t come easily.. There are many chapters but no guarantee. Many pages have to be turned before the tale is told.
Before the prince, you have to kiss..some other frogs.

Hi,

You don’t know me but I think I could get to fall in love with you in the future.
Hope you’re the knight in shinning armour I heard about and your armour is real metal and isn’t just shiny.
I know a few things about myself now that I’m not sure will show when we meet..that’s because I’ve just been heartbroken.

Here they are:
1. I am a sucker for attractive boys
2. Not only the physical attraction, but they have to be really smart
3. Be able to command respect
4. I like the ones that show they care but pick on me slightly
5. I like funny people.
6. Show that you have prospect.
7. Respect me

Three out of seven wouldn’t be that bad.

Now these things might not be any qualities you have. But for me to fall in love with you means something else has attracted me to you.

I have been hurt six times and seeing as the number 7 is a number of perfection, I assume you hurting me would be the death of me. The hurt I feel now would require one more push for me to do something crazy.

It would damage my soul completely.

I am not perfect, I may not be over the top beautiful or the most intelligent.. My hair isn’t perfect, I don’t have an air brushed skin.
I don’t talk too much, I don’t nag but I’m quite arrogant in my own way. You will see this for yourself.

I have a problem. Once I get to know you, I may start to show my very caring side, please don’t take this for granted as the others have.
Don’t be them.
When I hurt, a little bit of me dies inside.
But SIX times? I’ve died already.

Now I have no idea if I want to love or just be loved but I don’t think both is an option anymore. Its either one or the other but the fact that you’re here, I think the latter is basically what I’m going for.

But dear love, always show me you care even when I’m cold towards you as I assume someday I would be and don’t tell me things you think I want to hear just because you want me for something, just tell me how you see it.

Seeing as I have loved and lost, I presume that I won’t show as much emotions as I did before, I think that is where the mistake was made.
I have learnt to control my emotions. I have put them all on a leash, so please don’t blame me if I don’t laugh at your jokes sometimes, or pamper you how I ought to.

Please forgive me when I start being stubborn or trying to prove I’m right even when its obvious I’m wrong.

I have been misused as a human being by many people, devalued. I have forgotten or lost my self worth to these men. I have even put all my pride aside to beg them because I could not bear losing them, yet I did. However, I blame myself, I’ve been stupid but I’m used to the hurt. Please don’t be the death of me..
I really don’t know how much more I can take.

I promise you, even if I show my love in a weird way most times, I will love and cherish you forever.

This is the shortest and the last straw I have given you. Please honey, use it wisely.

Yours sincerely.
The Bitter Woman.http://alariwo.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/alariwo-lifematicsthe-last-straw/